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Avoid Getting Pinched this St. Patrick’s Day

Traditionally on St. Patrick’s Day, people will pinch you for not wearing a specific secondary color (green), because people are mean (sometimes) and also because elementary school taught us to do this (yes). At one time or another, we’ve all been the lone kid in class who forgot to wear green anything that day, so we had to endure a day’s worth of pinching and laughter and general mean spiritedness that only lepers have felt. Or so we’ve read somewhere.

So we start planning for next St. Patrick’s Day, because next St. Patrick’s Day we would be ready, and next St. Patrick’s Day we would be wearing so much friggin’ green, and next St. Patrick’s Day we would be the ones to pinch the noob who forgot! Cue maniacal laughter, because really, St. Patrick’s Day taught us how to deal with regret, to learn from our mistakes, to plan ahead, to wait, to pick our outfits, and to apparently just be adults come to think of it. Thanks, St. Patrick’s Day.

And while the practice of pinching might be out of the norm now that we’re all adults and can go to the bathroom without permission from a teacher, there’s always that lone friend or coworker or rogue child who will still judge us for not keeping up with the Irish tradition. So, we figured we could help you out with that. Here’s our plan to avoid getting pinched.

Eat This Doughnut in Front of Their Faces


via @Doughdoughnuts Instagram 

This is a green velvet cheesecake doughnut from Dough, and like our favorite green Marvel superhero, this Hulk pastry will keep any unwanted pinchers at bay. They won’t like it when you’re angrily eating this in front of their face, because it’s green. Green dictates they can’t pinch you. Also they’ll be jealous you have a doughnut. Green is also the color of jealousy.

Eat These Cupcakes in Front of Their Faces


via @magnoliabakery​ Instagram

Especially do this if it’s a rogue child pinching willy nilly. First, find their parent. Second, if you are their parent, still eat these St. Paddy’s Day shamrock cupcakes from Magnolia Bakery in front of them. The child can’t pinch you now, because wee he or she’s probably really sad that you won’t share this cupcake.

Eat These Brownies in Front of Their Faces


via @ProteinBakery Twitter

The green mint and the chocolate brownies are not only a great, fulfilling snack by way of Protein Bakery, but they’re also a great way to keep pinchers from getting too comfortable. Maybe you already ate your cupcake or doughnut, but then bam! You had this brownie in your desk drawer or pocket all the time. They don’t stand a chance at all.

Are you seeing the pattern? Yes, you don’t have to make sure you’re wearing green when you get ready today. It’s OK you didn’t find your leprechaun socks like your coworker Kevin. Your way at least includes tons of snacks during the day.

Pound the Cake by the Pound, an Untraditional Celebration of National Pound Cake Day

If you weren’t aware, today is National Pound Cake Day! The national holiday when we can all celebrate the magical mix of flour, eggs, sugar, and butter (magical because of the magic that is the 1:1:1:1 recipe ratio) that coagulate into the dreamy, dense brick-shape that is pound cake. Insert Homer Simpson doughnut noise because seriously, mmm, pound cake. We love thee so much that we could probably count the ways but it would seriously bite into actual biting time.

And while there are a ton of places where we can go to get a heavenly slice— Sweet Corner Bakeshop being one of our faves— we started thinking a wee bit unconventionally. Our Sugar Driven Minds (SDM) thought process evolved thusly: “where do we get awesome pound cake? Should we make a list of the best pound cake? Should we eat a pound of the best pound cake to celebrate National Pound Cake Day? Wait, can we just eat a pound of any cake to celebrate National Pound Cake Day? Can we just eat a pound of anything?” Yes. Yes we can.

[Disclaimer: Sugar Driven Minds (SDM) have decided that anything sweet is a pound cake for this exercise. We can argue linguistics later on National Word Choice Day.]

A Pound of Levain Cookies


A photo posted by Levain Bakery (@levain_bakery) on Aug 5, 2014 at 8:55am PDT

It sounds scary at first, but we’re right here to hold your hand. Or we can be the buddy you split the pound of cookies with. We truly don’t mind. And according to math, you have to eat two of Levain’s famous 6 ounce cookies and 3/5s of one to get a proper pound, but we seriously will not judge if you (or we) decide to just make it a round three.

A Pound of Dough Doughnuts


A photo posted by Dough (@doughdoughnuts) on Feb 2, 2016 at 7:39pm PST

Soft and light, we can understand if you’ve already had a pound of Dough’s yeast doughnuts without even realizing it. We’re sure we do that every Monday to get us going. If you need some help getting it, we can totally hook you up too.

A Pound of Babka from Breads Bakery


Chocolate Nutella and Cinnamon Raisin babka from @BreadsBakery for breakfast = bomb. 💣 Thanks @FoodyDirect for delivering these in no time! Use code SWEETLIFEIG16 to get $10 off your first order. #BreadsBakery #NYC

A photo posted by THE SWEET LIFE OF LINA 🎈 (@thesweetlifeoflina) on Feb 27, 2016 at 5:12am PST

Why don’t we order babka by the pound like we do with vegetables or meat or bags of candy? Going to the Breads Bakery counter to buy babka by the pound, which could be one loaf for all we know, just sounds pretty ballin’.

A Pound of Pound Cake from Sweet Corner Bake Shop


Then again, why veer from the traditional? Pound cake. Like pounds of pound cake. There’s nothing more satisfying than a slice of pound cake, such as this coconut one, from Sweet Corner Bakeshop in West Village. And there really isn’t a better day to pound a pound of pound cake shared with friends, your coworker Cheryl, or maybe on your own— we really aren’t judging. You do you. It’s what National Pound Cake Day is all about.

We think.