If you haven’t opened your Instagram in the past months, you probably are just now learning of Black Tap Craft Burgers & Beer’s famous milkshakes. The gravity defying dairy dreamlands include such luscious adornments from cake slices, to cotton candy, to entire ice cream cookie sandwiches, basically every dessert your kid heart may desire in one awesome cup.
The milkshakes were added to Black Tap’s menu in November and have since taken over Instagram feeds, Snapchat stories, and our hearts. And like any NYC food fad— hey ramen burger, cronut, and rainbow bagel— lines out the block are simply going to happen. But these $15 milkshakes have been on my To-Be-Eaten list for while, and despite the 1,600 calorie count, I was more than willing to bite the bullet and just wait with the other sugar fiends out there.
I did do some cursory research before I went to Black Tap. By this, I mean that I asked a lot of my friends if they knew how long the wait was, and the worst I heard was two hours. Two whole hours? Frodo couldn’t even get the ring to Mount Doom in that amount of time. I told myself that if I got there and the line was bad, that I would just go to Doughnut Plant instead to eat my sorrows. And I would never speak of this failed adventure again.
I left right after work on a gorgeously warm Friday to get on line for these beauties. While the logical part of me berated myself for choosing a day where more New Yorkers would want to be outside, eat al fresco, and possibly wait in a two-hour line for a fancy milkshake, I chose to be optimistic and smile a lot at the people drinking at the outdoor seating. I figured this was good. Those people wouldn’t be in my way then.
The line double backed at one point, but it wasn’t that bad. Not two hours bad. My friend who was waiting with me also said this. We said it a few more times shortly within the next few minutes, which made me wonder if we were really bothered by it or if we truly believed what we were saying.
At one point, the bouncer— because all food lines need order— came over and asked if the next party of two would mind eating at the bar. I wouldn’t mind! I wouldn’t mind at all! But he picked a different set of girls. I was annoyed, but my friend had to point out that they were waiting before us. That didn’t matter to me. I only ate a bag of pretzels for lunch. I was going to get Hulk on someone soon. It didn’t matter that a majority of the line had parents and children.
At one point, I thought it was going to rain. The clouds were coming in and my phone app had a small dark grey cumulus nimbus emoji, so I prepared for the worse. This was life now. It was going to rain and I would stay in this line, committed, determined, strong. I deserved that milkshake. I already chose the one I wanted (the one with the cookies). I could wait in line for even more hours if need be.
Oh. The bouncer was asking for the next party of two to sit at the bar. That was us. It was our turn. It was like the wait never, ever happened.